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Pen Pal Friends and Relationships

In the following piece Stephanie Constantina explores an idea that can make all the difference in pen pal friends relationships, and in all relationships, in fact...

Pen Pal Friends and Relationships
by Stephanie Constantina

When looking at pen pal friends, the relationships between them, and how to improve and develop such relationships, there is a general principle of all relationships that applies here too. The so-called "secret" of successful relationships, pen pal or otherwise, is to always try to think about the other person's needs and wants.

Pen pal friends can have the most successful relationship when each is being considerate towards the other and thinking of the other's needs and wants. However, unless one is intending the pen pal relationship to develop towards love, the average pen pal friendship is likely to be a little more selfish than the average love relationship.

Nevertheless, give and take is needed in any relationship, friend, pen pal or otherwise. Each of us begins life as a tiny baby that is totally engrossed in only thinking of its own needs and wants. For a baby the concepts of other people as being like oneself, as having needs and wants, doesn't exist. So each of us has to develop an appreciation of other people as being like ourselves. In this way relationships develop, through parents, siblings, friends and then eventually through lovers.

Of course, successful relationships of all kinds, pen pals, friends and others, require work on the part of the people involved. This work involves not being selfish and thinking about the other person. People in successful relationships know this. It is an ongoing process.

But, in terms of pen pal friendships, how can you develop a successful relationship? It's all about learning what the other person likes as well as what he or she likes to do, finding out about the other's personality, what affects him or her, what pleases, and so on. Then you can make an effort to engage with the other person's personality, feeding them what they need, but only doing so because you genuinely care.

This does not, however, mean reducing your own needs and wants in the relationship to zero. Rather is a process of compromise, of sharing interesting aspects of your own life with the other person as well is finding out about what is interesting in their life.

Of course, people have different reasons for taking part in pen pal friendships. Many are simply interested in another way of life. If the pen pal lives in another country his or her life can seem exotic and appealing. Many pen pals are interested in eventually finding a life partner, and prefer to do this through finding a pen pal friend initially. This approach can work, but only if the other pen pal is open to the possibility.

So, successful relationships of all kinds depend upon give and take and each person in the relationship considering the needs and wants of the other person. If you understand this and apply it to your pen pal friends and friendships you should be more successful than otherwise.

About The Author

To find out more and browse some potential pen pal profiles go to Pen pals friends, while Japanese pen pals can be reached here: Japanese pen pals and friends.

Stephanie Constantina is an author at Single Dating.


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